Rebuilding Self-Trust After Abuse

Often, the survivors I work with talk about how difficult it is to trust themselves. They suppress their instincts, question whether they’re remembering situations accurately, and worry that their feelings are overreactions. This can spiral into shame when they start wondering, “Why am I so indecisive?” “Why am I so sensitive?” “What’s wrong with me?"

Diminished self-trust is a normal symptom of abuse, not a personal failure. Abusers rely on eroding survivors’ trust in their feelings, instincts, and memories to continue the cycle of abuse. During abuse, survivors regularly hear things like “You’re overreacting”, “It didn’t happen like that”, and “It was your fault.” These messages can be internalized, leading to self-doubt.

Rebuilding self-trust involves unlearning these messages and creating opportunities to remind yourself that you are worthy of trust. Here are some little ways you can practice:

• Start noticing and labelling your feelings and bodily sensations. Remember that they are trustworthy sources of information.

• Practice making small choices, like where to go out to eat or what music to play. Notice how these choices positively impact you.

• Make note of moments when you have a “gut feeling” that turns out to be right.

If you feel ready to dive into deeper self-trust work, you can connect with me here.